Episode 341
Episode 341: Emotional Defense Mechanisms and Isolation
We examine emotional defense mechanisms we developed in adolescence that once kept us safe but now keep people out. We identify common forms such as humorous deflection, hyper‑independence, intellectualization, and anticipatory withdrawal. I describe my own hyper‑independence and my habit of withdrawing to avoid hurt. My cohost explains how sarcasm and detachment became his way to process emotion and how timing affects connection. We conclude that these defenses can protect us yet also imprison us, and we recommend measured risk taking to build real connection.
Transcript
How y' all doing?
Speaker A:My name is Reuben now with five minute warning.
Speaker A:I appreciate the fact that you've downloaded our episode today, but of course, just to let you know, we are live on Sundays, 9pm Eastern Standard Time, and you can join and talk with us and everything.
Speaker A:You can check us out on Twitch, you can check us out on YouTube.
Speaker A:Just put in five minute warning and join us live on the show every Sunday night, 9:00pm Eastern Standard Time.
Speaker A:And thank you for downloading this episode and we'll talk to you soon.
Speaker A:The following program is rated nal.
Speaker A:It contains strong language.
Speaker A:It is intended only for mature audiences.
Speaker B:This week on the five minute warning.
Speaker C:I am.
Speaker C:I am absolutely that person.
Speaker C:It's like I'm the.
Speaker C:I am the military dude at war that's like, yo, he's dead.
Speaker C:Let's go.
Speaker B:The show that gives you everything and nothing at all, that's everywhere you don't want to be.
Speaker B:It's Ruben, Mo B.
Speaker B:And on the ones and twos, ag.
Speaker A:The five minute warning.
Speaker A:Good morning, everyone.
Speaker A:Good morning.
Speaker A:What is wrong with me?
Speaker A:Good evening, everyone.
Speaker A:Welcome to a brand new episode of five minute warning.
Speaker A:Of course, it's your man Reuben in the house tonight.
Speaker A:And of course, always join.
Speaker A:Is my boy Mo B in the house?
Speaker A:How you living, Moby man?
Speaker A:I'm good, man.
Speaker C:Just having some technical difficulties with my mic.
Speaker A:I can hear you.
Speaker A:I mean, what do you think you're having issues with?
Speaker A:Is that a new mic?
Speaker A:Nah.
Speaker A:Well, why you get those worked out?
Speaker C:There we go.
Speaker C:I'm good, man.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:You got.
Speaker A:You good?
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:Well, we are two days away from the first day of fall.
Speaker A:First day of fall is on on Tuesday, September 22nd.
Speaker A:And I don't know about y', all, but I noticed it today.
Speaker A:I noticed that looking outside about 7 o', clock, it's getting a little darker now.
Speaker A:Getting a little darker earlier.
Speaker A:Which means.
Speaker A:Yep, the freaks come out at night.
Speaker A:So you better make sure you in the house before the freaks get at you, because the freaks come out and you know, back in the summer, everybody was out, so it wasn't a big deal.
Speaker A:But now people ain't gonna be out as because the freaks are starting to come out starting on Tuesday.
Speaker A:But, man, it has been crazy for real since last week.
Speaker A:You know, I messed around and got myself a wound vac for my foot.
Speaker A:That's cool.
Speaker A:It's doing what it's supposed to do.
Speaker A:Hopefully this foot will heal very, very better quickly.
Speaker A:Whatever.
Speaker A:But yeah, man, it's just.
Speaker A:It's almost that time.
Speaker A:We're about six weeks away.
Speaker A:Six, eight weeks away from, you know, what is the clock going forward?
Speaker A:Spring fallback.
Speaker A:So we're about to fall back in about six to seven weeks.
Speaker C:You mean six, seven weeks?
Speaker C:You mean like a couple six, seven days?
Speaker A:No, six and no.
Speaker A:It's like, in November.
Speaker C:I thought it was, like, this month.
Speaker A:Nah, nah, man, nah.
Speaker A:Because we.
Speaker A:We spring forward in March, and we fall back in novemb.
Speaker A:At least that's what I think.
Speaker C:You probably right.
Speaker A:I mean, when.
Speaker A:Dude, Daylight savings time, you know, that is one of the craziest things ever.
Speaker A:I mean, November 1st.
Speaker A:So we fall back November 1st.
Speaker A:Didn't.
Speaker A:Didn't your boy try to end daylight savings time with a executive order?
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:I mean, I don't know what your man be doing, man.
Speaker C:You don't want to be paying attention to him so much.
Speaker A:I mean, I don't really pay.
Speaker A:I'm gonna be real, man.
Speaker A:I haven't been messing with CNN for about a month, so I don't really know what's going on.
Speaker A:What's my shirt?
Speaker A:Yeah, Puma, baby.
Speaker A:Every once in a while, you got to break out the old stuff, you know?
Speaker A:It's literally the only puma shirt that I own.
Speaker A:I've never owned puma shoes.
Speaker A:It was just a cool shirt.
Speaker A:I was like, you know what?
Speaker A:Let me cop that.
Speaker A:So I think it matched something that I was wearing.
Speaker A:And, yeah, that was a long time ago, but.
Speaker A:So let's get this party started.
Speaker A:So, Moby, I'm gonna give you credit, man.
Speaker A:This question is.
Speaker A:Is phenomenal, yet tricky at the same time.
Speaker A:So what we're gonna talk about today.
Speaker A:So what is an emotional defense mechanism that you developed in or adolescence to protect yourself that used to keep you safe but now just keep people out, such as things that men will display, like we the humans different.
Speaker A:The humorous deflection shield, AKA we joke.
Speaker A:To get ourselves out of trouble.
Speaker A:And tell me if I'm wrong when I'm saying this.
Speaker A:Hyper independence.
Speaker A:The I do it myself.
Speaker A:Law, intellect, intellects, intellectualization and detachment.
Speaker A:I'm smarter than you, so I'm better than you.
Speaker A:And anticipatory.
Speaker A:Anticipatory withdrawal leave you before you can be left.
Speaker A:Do you fit any of these, or do you fit more than one?
Speaker A:So, Moby, what was the purpose of this question today?
Speaker C:There was no purpose.
Speaker C:It was just a random question.
Speaker A:So I would probably say, I don't know, man, because I looked at it and I was just like, I don't know that.
Speaker A:Hyper independence, man.
Speaker A:I Just, I'm all about doing myself.
Speaker A:I mean, even now, I'm still about doing myself, man.
Speaker A:Because if it's gonna take you just as long to get it done, then I'll just do it myself.
Speaker A:Because when it's all said done, some things are more important, and I need it done today.
Speaker A:Especially like when you're in a position of leadership and, hey, can you go knock this out for me?
Speaker A:And then you remind yourself of, you know, when you were a child and mom had to come back multiple times to be like, yo, can you dump the trash?
Speaker A:And stuff like that?
Speaker A:I'm just like, man, I'll just do it myself.
Speaker A:Yeah, the leaving before you can be left there, I've never experienced that.
Speaker A:Have you, Moby?
Speaker C:What do you mean?
Speaker A:Like, have you left somebody before they can leave you?
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:I don't really think that's really one of my.
Speaker C:But, you know, I think.
Speaker C:I think the interesting thing about this question is that you probably aren't the best judge for yourself because you just described the whole you'll do it yourself thing.
Speaker C:And I'm thinking to myself, that actually doesn't describe you at all.
Speaker C:But from your point of view, maybe you think it does.
Speaker C:Okay, But I think.
Speaker C:I think that's.
Speaker C:That's the narrative or the character in your head of yourself that you've created.
Speaker C:Because I often think the character of ourselves that we create is often very different than the character that we actually are because we are very good at lying to ourselves.
Speaker C:Okay, because.
Speaker C:Because you say, like, to do it yourself, but like, yo, man, in the history of knowing you, you've started off with a lot of things that you like, I'll do it myself, but no problem saying you don't know how to do something and then trying to get somebody else to do it for you.
Speaker A:I. I would probably say that's a 7.
Speaker A:25%.
Speaker C:Once again, you start off saying you want to do it yourself, and then some roadblocks happen, and then you go into delegation mode or like, hey, let me get somebody else to assist me.
Speaker C:And then in your head, I feel like you can tell yourself that for the most part, you did, even though from the outside looking in, other people would be like, yeah, you had some assistance.
Speaker A:I don't know, man.
Speaker A:I mean, I think.
Speaker A:I think part of that is true for a part of my life, and I think.
Speaker A:I think recently I'm a huge fan of.
Speaker A:Yeah, I don't know how to do that.
Speaker A:Let me.
Speaker A:Let me find somebody else.
Speaker A:However, you know, Depending on what the project is.
Speaker A:You know, I have got to the point where if I start certain projects, I gotta finish with, like, the.
Speaker A:The patio back, you know, that was one that I was very proud of because I started that shit myself.
Speaker A:I kind of, you know, figured it out.
Speaker A:I mean, I had some help as far as just like, just talking through stuff, but then, you know, nobody put all those damn blocks down there for me, that's for sure.
Speaker A:So, like, I could see.
Speaker A:I could see that.
Speaker A:So I guess the better question is, Moby, what would your wife say about you in this question?
Speaker C:You know, I think, honestly, it depends on the scenario,.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker C:Because I know.
Speaker C:I know the humorous deflection is something that people always, you know, would say, I do.
Speaker C:And I guess.
Speaker C:But a lot of it is not a deflection.
Speaker C:Honestly.
Speaker C:A lot of that humorous thing is just how I process things.
Speaker C:It's not a deflection because.
Speaker C:Because I think she would honestly say that even though she doesn't necessarily always like to hear about it.
Speaker C:I generally don't have a problem, like, having deep, expressive conversations.
Speaker C:I just throw humor in there.
Speaker C:For me, that ain't even really like a deflection.
Speaker C:It's just.
Speaker C:I processed it now.
Speaker C:Sarcasm is kind of what I do when there's an emotion that I'm not allowed to have.
Speaker C:Okay, Because I think.
Speaker A:It's like, sadness.
Speaker C:Not even sadness.
Speaker C:Like, especially in relationships and relationships.
Speaker C:Okay, it's gonna sound a little judgy.
Speaker C:In relationships, guys aren't allowed to be mad.
Speaker C:Guys aren't because.
Speaker C:Because mad gets called toxic.
Speaker C:And then it turns into other things.
Speaker C:Oh, they're controlling, emotionally abusive, and.
Speaker C:And sometimes it's just.
Speaker C:No, the motherfucker's mad.
Speaker C:Like, because things that she can do, I'm not allowed to do.
Speaker C:Because in a relationship, she can just start y you and calling you names.
Speaker C:You can't do that as a guy because that is called abuse.
Speaker C:With her, it's called an emotional outburst.
Speaker C:She was upset.
Speaker C:And then people say, well, you got to understand, dot, dot, dot, insert excuse.
Speaker C:At least that's how I process it.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker C:So, because I. I don't really.
Speaker C:I don't yell anyway.
Speaker C:I'm not a yeller.
Speaker C:I'm not a outwardly up, you know, like, let's get super mad rage guy.
Speaker C:So what I will do, I know I do it, and sometimes I do it without even thinking.
Speaker C:It is a subconscious thing.
Speaker C:I'll just be sarcastic as the whole time because I'm like, I can't.
Speaker C:I'm not allowed to yell.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:I'm not allowed to express any type of displeasure in this situation, so you know what I can do?
Speaker C:I'm gonna default to my sarcasm.
Speaker C:I do that with my kids all the time.
Speaker C:Sometimes I'm like, yeah, man, I don't want to yell at them.
Speaker C:So I'll, I'll say something.
Speaker C:El is highly sarcastic because I'm like, I don't want to just be like, that's stupid.
Speaker C:You just.
Speaker C:You just.
Speaker C:You just did or said something that I think is stupid.
Speaker C:I can't say that.
Speaker C:Well, I mean, I could, but I don't want to say that, so I'll just say something sarcastic.
Speaker C:Matter of fact, I was on the phone with you the other day, and I asked Cadence a question, and she gave me.
Speaker C:And she gave me the most absent minded answer.
Speaker C:And I just said, you know what?
Speaker C:My bad.
Speaker C:I'm sorry for asking you stuff.
Speaker A:That's messed up, man.
Speaker C:Because what I really wanted to say was, come on, man, I didn't ask you.
Speaker C:I didn't ask you a difficult question.
Speaker C:Like, don't look at me like you're too unintelligent to give me an answer for this.
Speaker C:I'm like, you know what?
Speaker C:My bad.
Speaker C:I shouldn't ask you stuff.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:Once again, I just.
Speaker C:Just deflect it straight to sarcasm because I couldn't just be like, that's stupid.
Speaker A:Yeah, I. I would say in.
Speaker A:In matters such as that I'm with you.
Speaker A:I'm not.
Speaker A:I'm not a yeller.
Speaker A:If I'm in control.
Speaker A:Let's.
Speaker A:Let's start with that.
Speaker A:If my buttons aren't pushed and I'm in control, I'm not a yellow.
Speaker A:I. I'm more of a turtle.
Speaker A:You know, I. I kind of just be like, all right, you know, and.
Speaker A:And yeah, that's.
Speaker A:That's when.
Speaker A:And I'll say it.
Speaker A:That's when my petty kicks in.
Speaker C:You know, which you just described right there was the withdrawal.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:Yeah, that was.
Speaker C:I'm gonna leave you before you leave me.
Speaker C:I'm.
Speaker C:I'm, I'm.
Speaker C:I'm going to get out of this.
Speaker C:This before it hurts me.
Speaker A:Well, I think.
Speaker A:But I think the problem with that is if I get to that point, I'm already hurt.
Speaker A:So it's like, I. I guess it's more of a situation.
Speaker A:Whereas this can only end up one way at this moment, you know, we've got.
Speaker A:I've gotten to my limit, and then I'm gonna say some that I can't necessarily take back.
Speaker A:And usually that is borderline truth.
Speaker A:And some people can't handle truth.
Speaker A:Sometimes I can't handle truth.
Speaker A:I mean, I'm.
Speaker A:I'm an honest guy, like.
Speaker A:But yeah, man, like, I was telling somebody the other day, you know, because I was like, why are you getting loud?
Speaker A:Like, because I don't like being yelled at or screamed at.
Speaker A:I. I just know that's.
Speaker A:That you want me to end this conversation on my end, yell and scream at your boy.
Speaker A:Like, that's.
Speaker A:That's not a.
Speaker A:That's not cool.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:And I was like, okay.
Speaker A:And then I was telling.
Speaker A:I was like, look, for me, I'm just letting you know you don't have to worry about me yelling or getting mad.
Speaker A:You need to worry about me shutting the up.
Speaker A:Because if you start getting one word answers from me, oh, man, this.
Speaker A:I. I have reached level where words.
Speaker A:Yeah, I need to.
Speaker A:I need to make my way downtown like that.
Speaker A:Like that Miley Cyrus song, you know, I got to be out.
Speaker A:Because that's not.
Speaker A:That's not where you want me to be.
Speaker A:Because I've said on the show before, you know, in the past, I used to have a temper, man, and, like, I've worked very hard to keep that low, you know, that's not something that I really want anyone to ever see again if I can help it, you know?
Speaker A:So, yeah, I think you are right.
Speaker A:I think, you know, that's the withdrawal thing.
Speaker A:But I think that withdrawal thing, I feel like I'm withdrawing for the other person.
Speaker A:Not necessarily.
Speaker A:Well, for me, but for the other person.
Speaker A:Because, you know, that's just like when Bruce Banner turns into the Hawk, he get all mad.
Speaker A:And I ain't saying I'm turned to the Hawk.
Speaker A:I'm just saying, you know, I have been known in the past to let my mouth roll without guardrail guardrails, and nobody wants that.
Speaker A:Like, if.
Speaker A:If it's not you who's getting it directed at, it's probably funny as to listen to.
Speaker A:To just because that.
Speaker A:And you're shocked, but nah, man, I. I need guardrails.
Speaker A:And so I think.
Speaker C:I think I would still make a argument that that's still more for you, that you are protecting yourself.
Speaker A:You.
Speaker C:You are closing off communication because you don't want to get hurt.
Speaker C:And even if that is like, hey, I don't want to say something that I can't take back.
Speaker C:That's like, you don't want the negative consequence that can come from what you're saying, you're still doing it to kind of protect yourself.
Speaker A:Yeah, I See that?
Speaker A:I mean, because you're right.
Speaker A:Like I could say something that I can't take back.
Speaker C:How does that help you though?
Speaker C:Because like, the, the other part of the question was like, yo, like, you do that to kind of make yourself feel safe, but at the end of the day, like when you get older, some of those things don't actually make you feel safe.
Speaker C:They actually prevent you from moving forward.
Speaker A:Well, I think, I think that that's a two way thing, right?
Speaker A:Like, because for me, I would say it helps me keep my peace.
Speaker C:However, it doesn't help you move forward.
Speaker A:Well, that's the thing, right.
Speaker A:And I also think it has helped me keep my pe much.
Speaker A:I'm not willing or it's very difficult for me to let someone else in, right?
Speaker A:Because I mean, like right now I'm 53, never been married, no kids.
Speaker A:I mean, yo, man, I've said it before, she got to be special, bro.
Speaker A:Because at this point in time in my life, I love my piece.
Speaker A:Like, I love my piece.
Speaker A:So, you know, but it also brings me to a crossroads because I don't want to be by myself either.
Speaker A:Like, I don't want my piece to keep me from, you know, interacting with the rest of the human race and, and maybe miss out on someone who I might, you know, that might be good for me.
Speaker A:We good for each other, that sort of thing.
Speaker A:And I, I, I, I think that has happened, you know, since I've gotten that way.
Speaker A:So, I mean, it's, it's good.
Speaker A:But I think in the long run it's not, you know.
Speaker C:I have a question though.
Speaker A:Yeah, go for it.
Speaker C:Do you think it's a desire for peace or is it a fear of conflict and rejection?
Speaker A:I think it's a little bit of both.
Speaker A:Because, I mean, I don't like being rejected.
Speaker A:I don't think anybody does.
Speaker A:So like sometimes stepping out on that, on that plank, as it were, and hoping that if you do fall, you can swim, I think that's hard for people.
Speaker A:You know, I don't think I'm, I'm not a person who can never go outside.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:However, it is, I would say it is difficult for me, me to create a meaningful relationship with people.
Speaker A:I mean, it, you know, it takes me a while to get comfortable.
Speaker A:But then the biggest thing is what I don't want is to open myself to the potential of rejection.
Speaker A:1 But I understand that in order for me to truly get the happiness that I seek, I have to.
Speaker A:You know, I mean, this ain't the movies where just Fall into your lap right now.
Speaker A:Don't say.
Speaker A:I'm not saying that.
Speaker A:It never happens for some people.
Speaker A:Some people are just lucky as and they meet the right person and everything just happened and blossoms and wedding and four kids and a house and whatever, whatever.
Speaker A:They leave happy ever after.
Speaker A:I'm not saying that never happens.
Speaker A:I'm just saying I don't know if I really believe in that.
Speaker A:I think I used to at some point, I.
Speaker A:But I think now, not really sure.
Speaker A:Moco asks, do I believe a soul mate?
Speaker A:I think a little part of me still does.
Speaker A:When I was younger, I was a lot more open minded about relationships and all of that.
Speaker A:I think now I've become a lot jaded over a lot of that.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I mean, I don't think I would ever use that term though.
Speaker A:I don't think I could.
Speaker A:Just because I think part of me thinks, why?
Speaker C:Why can't you use the term?
Speaker C:I'm curious.
Speaker C:Like.
Speaker C:Like guess what?
Speaker C:It's like you're saying I can believe in the thing, but I would never say the thing.
Speaker A:Well, I guess I think that.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Saw it on Iron Man 3 today.
Speaker A:Like we're.
Speaker A:We're connected, right?
Speaker A:We're all connected.
Speaker A:But I feel like you're connected to different people in different ways.
Speaker A:So, like, yes, I could meet someone and we're connected.
Speaker A:However, you know, I feel like that I have friends who.
Speaker A:Who been friends with me for years and I'm connected to them as well, you know, but not romantically or anything like that.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:I don't know, man.
Speaker A:The soulmate thing, I don't know.
Speaker A:I just don't.
Speaker A:I wouldn't know what it looked like if I.
Speaker A:If it slapped me in the face, I wouldn't know what it looked like.
Speaker A:And I guess that's my thing.
Speaker C:Are you supposed to know what a soul looks like?
Speaker A:I mean, no, I mean, like, you know, because that right person for you,.
Speaker C:Wouldn't that be more about a feeling than a look?
Speaker A:I wouldn't know that either.
Speaker A:And I think a lot of it is because I. I am a little more jaded than I would like to be.
Speaker C:Maybe it's like porn and with politicians it's like, you know, I can't define it, but I know it when I see it.
Speaker C:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker C:Wouldn't that be the soulmate thing?
Speaker C:Like, I don't think anybody really.
Speaker C:I think people have like, like their interpretation of what being a soulmate looks like.
Speaker C:But I think ultimately it's more about how does this feel?
Speaker A:And I guess if, honestly, if I could say that I felt that, I probably still wouldn't know what it looks like or what it feels like.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I've loved before, like, and I've, I have, I have thought about marriage a couple times with some of the formers, but I mean, you know, I, I don't know if that was more being in the moment, then I'm gonna just.
Speaker A:Yo, yo, baby, we're together like puzzle pieces.
Speaker A:Like, stuff like that.
Speaker A:Like, I don't even know, man.
Speaker C:The whole idea, the whole term soul, baby.
Speaker C:I was just curious as, like, you were real specific about, like, you just didn't want to use the term.
Speaker C:And I'm just like, does actually.
Speaker C:It almost feels like you believe in it.
Speaker C:But you're, you're so cynical that you don't want to say it.
Speaker A:Oh, that's very possible.
Speaker A:I mean, you know, it's like, it's.
Speaker C:Like, yo, you're, you're, you're kind of romantic, but you don't want to say that you're a romantic because saying you're a romantic somehow out loud makes it also sound like you a sucker.
Speaker A:Like Melanie fun.
Speaker A:Like it's a feeling like no, that no other.
Speaker A:Something you've never felt before.
Speaker A:I mean, so by her definition, clearly I haven't felt it, you know?
Speaker C:Whoa.
Speaker C:Does that mean you haven't felt it or that you're not feeling it?
Speaker C:Because, like, I think, I think we are very revisionist history about our feelings of past.
Speaker C:But I think sometimes we, we look at the past with a little bit too much fondness.
Speaker C:Or sometimes we look at the past with a little bit too much hate.
Speaker A:I don't look at the past with hate.
Speaker A:That's what I don't do.
Speaker A:Cuz I feel like everything that's happened to me brought me to this moment, whether good, bad, or indifferent, right?
Speaker A:And of course, you know, I'm cynical to the point where.
Speaker C:I,.
Speaker A:I, I, I'll say it like, hey, man, like, I truly, I truly, I, I have this way of thinking.
Speaker A:Thinking like everybody is literally living their own Truman show.
Speaker A:And the deity, your God or whatever that, that you worship is watching your show on a consistent basis, right?
Speaker A:And like, yeah, so I don't know, man.
Speaker A:I'm weird like that.
Speaker A:Like,.
Speaker C:Yeah, man, we, we have ventured from the question to now discussing soul mates to.
Speaker A:I mean, hey, I mean, hey, man, where the feeling leads you, baby?
Speaker A:We, we go where it takes us.
Speaker C:I mean, the, the term soulmate is like A tricky term for me.
Speaker C:Yeah, I think, I think the way I would describe like the whole idea of like soulmate or in that is gonna be different than other people because I do not believe.
Speaker C:And I will.
Speaker C:It may be this is gonna.
Speaker C:The anti romantic part of me.
Speaker C:I do not believe in my life that there was one person out of the billions of people that was just, just the one person that I could vibe with.
Speaker C:I don't believe in that.
Speaker C:I do believe that soulmates are about timing.
Speaker C:And I believe that I have been fortunate enough to run into a lot of different souls that if I had met them at different times or met them at different times, yeah, our souls could have made it.
Speaker C:But I did.
Speaker C:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker C:Like, and, and, and you met him.
Speaker A:When you met him.
Speaker C:Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker C:So like I, and so I don't necessarily, like, if my kids would one day ask me like, how did you know mom was the, the one true love for you?
Speaker C:I'd be like, I didn't.
Speaker C:I just ran into her at the right time.
Speaker C:I, I just, I just ran into her when she was at a point in her life and I was at a point in my life where we were going in the same direction at the same time with the same intention, attention.
Speaker C:And that's fair.
Speaker C:And because of that, everything else kind of fell in place.
Speaker C:Good, bad or indifferent.
Speaker C:Like the things that didn't work were never gonna work.
Speaker C:But you know, because we're the people we are now, we, we can, we can try to work through things.
Speaker C:But like, nah, I don't believe in no Disney.
Speaker C:You know, this is the perfect person for me.
Speaker C:And there was no other person that I possibly could see this life with the current life I have right now.
Speaker C:No, because, you know, I have this life with one other person.
Speaker C:But nah, man.
Speaker C:Like, if my kids, like, so did you think about it with anybody else?
Speaker C:I'm like, oh yeah, there are plenty of people.
Speaker C:There's a couple people that like I've, that have been in my life that I'm just like, man, if timing was different if we, if, if she was here when I was here or if I was here when she was here,.
Speaker A:Yeah, this could have worked.
Speaker C:Unfortunately, that didn't happen.
Speaker C:So because it didn't happen, I don't like, look back at it and think, I don't do the what if thing.
Speaker C:I don't everything that happens that I want to happen, but I think everything happens the way it's supposed to happen.
Speaker A:Yeah, I believe Everything.
Speaker A:I definitely believe everything happens for a reason.
Speaker A:And there are lessons that we're meant to learn when we're supposed to learn them.
Speaker C:It's also why I don't have, like, real negative relationships with, like, past relationships with people.
Speaker C:Like, I know a lot of people just like, oh, man.
Speaker C:Like, you know, I really hear it with women a lot.
Speaker C:I do hear with some, some guys too.
Speaker C:But, like, when people are just like, o man, I can't stand my ex.
Speaker C:I'm always just like, I don't really have that feeling towards nobody I've been with.
Speaker C:Like, I don't.
Speaker C:I don't really have that negative.
Speaker C:Oh, I can't stand them.
Speaker C:It's.
Speaker C:It's more like, yeah, it didn't work.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:I mean, and most of them, I'm just like, yo, man, if I saw them tomorrow, I'm still going to be cool with them.
Speaker C:Like, because I also, now I also have had the lucky, you know, fortunate thing where I don't really feel like in my life of relationships, I've had any real bad relationships because I know, you know, some people might hear me and say, well, you don't know what happened.
Speaker C:Yeah, you're right.
Speaker C:I haven't had a, for, say, bad relationship.
Speaker C:I've had some relationships that had some bad moments, but I don't think a moment defines the relationship relationship.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker C:So because I don't feel like, you know, having bad moments in a relationship or feel like because a relationship didn't work out in the end, that somehow now I've got to dislike that person forever.
Speaker C:Yeah, I do feel the whole.
Speaker C:The bit of pettiness when you like, oh, I pray for them.
Speaker C:I like that.
Speaker C:I pray for my ex.
Speaker C:I. I feel the petty that.
Speaker C:That kind of exists in that.
Speaker C:Yeah, I don't have, like, a bad experience relationship.
Speaker C:So that's probably why I have this positive view of, like, exes and stuff where I'm just like, yeah, you know, I feel like I've been lucky enough to have a couple people that could have, quote, unquote, fit the Soulmate classification.
Speaker C:We just didn't.
Speaker C:We just weren't there at the right time.
Speaker A:Yeah, I mean, I go front.
Speaker A:I. I feel like.
Speaker A:I. I feel like I dodged some bullets.
Speaker A:I feel like I missed a couple things, you know, that could have led me in a different way.
Speaker A:I feel like I learned from it because, you know, it's funny because Moco Cowboy was saying, like, ruben's putting on a brave face.
Speaker A:Me, however, I cried in the movie Hoppers twice and and, bro, I've never seen the movie Hoppers ever.
Speaker A:However we have on.
Speaker A:On this.
Speaker A:On this show, there's documentation about all the.
Speaker A:That I cry on that's completely unnecessary.
Speaker A:I am way too emotionally involved in movies.
Speaker A:Hence why there are certain movies I can't watch just because, you know, it is what it is, man.
Speaker A:The right thing, the sad thing.
Speaker A:The tear ducts come out, man, it's the worst ever.
Speaker A:But I don't know, man.
Speaker A:It's like, You know, all relationships are old relationships, and that's kind of how I see it.
Speaker A:You're supposed to learn something from everything, so I try to do that.
Speaker A:You know, as far as a soulmate thing, now, there.
Speaker A:There are some people in relationships that I could have married, that's for sure.
Speaker A:Like, we could have walked down the aisle, and I'll be either okay, happy, or, like, 100%, like, sad.
Speaker A:It could have gone either way.
Speaker A:I don't think I would have ended up the sad way.
Speaker C:And that's kind of how I feel.
Speaker C:I'm just like, yeah, I. I feel like there are a couple people in my life where I'm just like.
Speaker C:At time, I was like, yeah, I feel like this could have.
Speaker C:Could have actually worked, but I also don't know if it would have exactly, like.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:And I mean, because, you know, in a relationship, you truly never know anybody until you're married to them.
Speaker A:That's what I hear.
Speaker A:I mean, I'm not married to anybody, so I don't really know.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:But yeah, man, it's.
Speaker A:I don't.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I think, once again, it's a little bit of fear, but I really want to get out there, you know, But I'm not like.
Speaker C:I guess that that kind of stemmed the question, too.
Speaker C:It's like some of the things that make you safe are also the things that are keeping you away from things.
Speaker A:Correct, Correct.
Speaker A:Like, I don't want to be like Will Smith and I am legend.
Speaker A:Like, I don't want that be to.
Speaker A:But I feel like in a.
Speaker A:In a way, I'm already there, you know, the only difference is he don't talk to people because there ain't nobody there.
Speaker A:Like, he don't got choices.
Speaker A:And then when he did find somebody, it was like, I don't really trust your ass.
Speaker A:But then again, if you haven't ran into a human to have human contact in so long, I guess that's what you got to be, right?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:You know, so.
Speaker A:Nah, man.
Speaker A:But the.
Speaker A:The hyper independence, like, do you think That's a male thing or you think that's a female thing?
Speaker C:No, I don't think that has sex.
Speaker C:I, I think that that can be, that can be because I, you know, you know, know everybody knows people in their life that just like man, they don't ask nobody for nothing, they won't tell nobody nothing.
Speaker C:You'll never know anything going on with them because they feel like they got to do everything on their own.
Speaker C:Now I, I will say it is a trait that you hear a lot of guys complaining in modern day women.
Speaker C:It kind of goes back to like what I was talking about last week with my mom, that my mom is that person.
Speaker C:That's why my mom always feels like she has to be in control of everything because she, she would rather be mad at herself than give anybody the opportunity to upset her or disappoint her.
Speaker C:Yo, man, if I do it myself, I can't be mad at anybody but me.
Speaker C:And that can be hella frustrating when you're actually trying to help.
Speaker A:Yeah, I, I hear that.
Speaker A:And I mean, Melanie Fun Size said that, you know, she is that person because she ain't gonna ask nobody for nothing.
Speaker A:I was raised that way.
Speaker A:But we are looked at as African American women to be strong and all these things.
Speaker A:I just don't want to be that no more.
Speaker C:You know the funny thing about don't want to be that no more.
Speaker C:Like you always have the option.
Speaker C:I mean it doesn't feel like it, but you always have the option to not be that.
Speaker C:But once again, that kind of goes back to what this question is like.
Speaker C:You became that person as a way to protect yourself from hurt.
Speaker C:Because like I said, I know I do that with the, what people say I do with the humorous deflection and the sarcasm.
Speaker A:But yeah, do we Intellect, intellectualization and detachment.
Speaker C:That, that's me to a degree because I'm not a emotional response person person.
Speaker C:So in dramatic situations and highly stressful situations, I don't have, I, I, I would like to, I almost want to say I don't feel the emotion sometimes.
Speaker C:I don't.
Speaker C:I just, I think the way, the way I process trauma or catastrophes is I go zero and ones like I become like a computer where I'm just like, everything has to be logical so I get real.
Speaker C:But hey, what logically makes sense in this situation.
Speaker C:And because of that, that's never what people who are in an emotional outburst wanna want to have.
Speaker C:They never want the logical.
Speaker C:Hey, like let's, let's look at this logically first.
Speaker C:And I can't help it.
Speaker C:So, you know, I'm sure frustrate a lot of people, like my mom and other people around me who have, like, super emotional reactions to things where I'm just, like, so blah about everything.
Speaker C:And I just go straight to the logic almost.
Speaker C:It's almost like I ignore the emotion.
Speaker C:It's not that I'm ignoring it, just not there with the.
Speaker C:Like, I don't process it that way.
Speaker C:So, yeah, I have the emotion about it later, I guess, if I'm going to have it.
Speaker C:But in the moment, like, I'm.
Speaker C:I'm that person.
Speaker C:I'm like, I always joke when my wife would be watching, like, Walking Dead, other stuff.
Speaker C:You know, when they're looking for somebody and, you know, they.
Speaker C:Somebody been missing for days, and then they finally find them, and then they have that moment where they hug each other and everything.
Speaker C:I'm always the person like, we ain't.
Speaker A:Got time for that.
Speaker C:Like, yo, we got to get moving, bro.
Speaker C:We.
Speaker C:We can get to this later.
Speaker C:Like, right now, the task at hand is survival.
Speaker C:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker C:And that's kind of what I process.
Speaker C:Like, really big traumatic things.
Speaker C:I'm like, bro, we can get to the emotional part of it.
Speaker C:I got to figure out how we're going to resolve this situation.
Speaker C:I ain't got time to hug it out.
Speaker C:I ain't got time.
Speaker C:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker C:I don't got time for that.
Speaker C:I don't think that way.
Speaker C:Like, it's not me telling you that your feelings aren't valid.
Speaker C:It's saying your feelings aren't my priority right now.
Speaker C:The priority is survival or figuring out how to fix this issue that is causing the emotion.
Speaker C:Like, I ain't got time to be.
Speaker C:We can't both cry.
Speaker C:What are we both crying about?
Speaker A:You'll have time to grieve later.
Speaker C:I am.
Speaker C:I am absolutely that person.
Speaker C:It's like, I'm the.
Speaker C:I'm the military dude at war that's like, yo, he's dead.
Speaker A:Let's go grab him or whatever, get his dog tag.
Speaker A:We get the out of here.
Speaker A:And if he slow you down, that your ass.
Speaker C:The worst thing you can do for the dead is join.
Speaker A:True.
Speaker A:That is, I would say, it depends.
Speaker A:If I'm in a work situation, then I'm like that, and I automatically default to whatever the work protocol is, Right?
Speaker A:Just like when I talked about when we.
Speaker A:When we thought the kid was lost, it wasn't about emotion.
Speaker A:It was about, hey, we need to take care of this.
Speaker A:I need you to do this.
Speaker A:Boom, boom, boom, boom.
Speaker A:Everybody's got their job.
Speaker A:Let's go.
Speaker A:Like.
Speaker A:And so.
Speaker A:And then later that night, you know, I was able to process and deal with the emotional part as far as, like, if it's not work in the past, when I was smaller or younger, rather, because, you know, whatever.
Speaker A:When I was younger, I was more emotional about things.
Speaker A:So I don't know what I would be now.
Speaker A:Yeah, I have no idea.
Speaker A:I don't know what would happen.
Speaker A:I don't know if I would.
Speaker A:Because I don't think I can retreat to protocol stuff because there is no protocol stuff, right.
Speaker A:If, you know, like, if it's a immediate member of the family situation happening, like, I can't do that.
Speaker A:However, I.
Speaker A:What I can say as far as myself, one of the things that I have done is kind of just be like, me being positive for my family allows them to be positive for me.
Speaker A:You know, I would say that's.
Speaker A:That's what I. I've done.
Speaker A:I can't say that I've never.
Speaker A:I haven't thought about, you know, the, you know, what could happen.
Speaker A:Of course I think about that, like.
Speaker A:But, I mean, there's nothing I can do about that.
Speaker A:It's either going to happen or it's not.
Speaker A:You know, my time is.
Speaker A:Is not based on how I feel.
Speaker A:My time is based on when it's time.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So, yeah, like, I am really, really just about, you know, like, I gotta be strong for everybody else when it comes to me, like, if something going on with me because straight up, like, this foot can ease.
Speaker A:I mean, some people be like, bro, you lost three toes.
Speaker A:And I'm just like, I'm still walking, like, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:And it's just this could have went left real quick.
Speaker A:And not saying that I can't go left, but I can't.
Speaker A:I can't put that out into the world, right?
Speaker A:I can't.
Speaker A:I can't show that vulnerability to my family because I feel like.
Speaker C:Or you won't, because why would that.
Speaker C:Why do you feel that?
Speaker C:That's a camp.
Speaker C:What would the negative thing be from that?
Speaker A:Well, because, I mean, parents worry, man.
Speaker A:And like, I know my parents.
Speaker A:My parents love me and I love them and I know they worry.
Speaker C:Do you think fronting for them makes them worry less?
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker C:I'm just.
Speaker C:I'll just tell you, like, as.
Speaker C:Not even just as a parent, as anybody who's cared about somebody when, you know, somebody's going through something and they're fronting for you.
Speaker C:That don't make you worry less.
Speaker C:In fact, a lot of times it makes you worry more because, you know they're lying.
Speaker A:Well, but I would say.
Speaker A:I would say if I wasn't the person that I am, and I have been for quite a while and this just happened and like, instantly my, the way I did, things change.
Speaker A:I would say, yeah, I can see why they were worried like that.
Speaker A:But I feel confident in saying, you know, I've been this.
Speaker A:This ultra, you know, ultra positive person for quite a while, not like the last two years or whatever.
Speaker A:So I, I think that it's different, but, like, if I, if my whole demeanor changed after, you know, hey, this is happening, and my whole demand, if I was a different person, I think that.
Speaker A:I think it would.
Speaker A:I think there would be reason to worry more outwardly.
Speaker A:Like, that's the way I feel about it, like, because you may be right.
Speaker C:But I, I guess if I was playing devil's advocate, people who have known you for a while do know that your positivity is, Is real, but they also know you, that you avoid negativity.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:You don't deal with it.
Speaker C:So that still doesn't make people worry less.
Speaker C:You avoid.
Speaker C:Without dealing with.
Speaker C:So seeing somebody go through something and they still be positive and not actually deal with it doesn't make people worry less.
Speaker A:I would say I don't deal with it in a public eye.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:That's what I would say.
Speaker C:And that goes right back to what the question is about.
Speaker C:So it keeps everybody actually open away from you, because you're literally shielding everybody away from something that you're actually going through.
Speaker C:It's.
Speaker C:It's supposed to protect you, but in many ways it imprisons you.
Speaker A:I can agree with that because you,.
Speaker C:You said earlier on the show you ain't trying to be alone,.
Speaker A:But I also ain't trying to get.
Speaker A:I ain't out there trying to get it either.
Speaker C:Once again, you know, be alone.
Speaker C:But if every time you are going through something, you kind of close yourself off because you don't want to let people have to worry about you, it kind of imprisons you.
Speaker C:So it's, it's, it's a, It's a. I feel like it's a natural thing for everybody to do in some form or fashion.
Speaker C:I don't think there's anybody that's just like, yo, I'm open all the time about everything, all the time.
Speaker C:If that person's a psychopath.
Speaker A:Or is it.
Speaker A:Or that Sociopath.
Speaker C:No, no, no, no.
Speaker C:That's a psychopath.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:Sociopaths don't have feelings.
Speaker A:I don't know which is worse.
Speaker A:They're both pretty horrible, but, yeah, man, like, I could see that.
Speaker A:But I also think if I was not by myself and I had someone on, like, you know, like a significant other, I think that I would be different in that respect.
Speaker C:I. I think you are overselling the value of relationships.
Speaker C:Because I will tell you, as somebody who has been in a relationship and somebody who is married, and, like, just because there's a person close to you proactively going through it does not make.
Speaker C:It does not make your communication pattern change.
Speaker C:And I think that's often the disconnect that happens in relationships where, like, especially on the women's end, because I think women feel like.
Speaker C:Because we're in a relationship now, your communication pattern.
Speaker C:Pattern is supposed to change for me.
Speaker C:And the truth is you're in a relationship with that person, not with your communication path.
Speaker C:Because if that person doesn't communicate like that, just because you're in a relationship with them doesn't mean that communication pattern is going to change.
Speaker C:The greatest thing about my relationship, marriage, everything, is the fact that I am detached, social, humorous, sarcastic, and I've always been that.
Speaker C:And she just has to deal with it.
Speaker C:And she has to wait for the moments of.
Speaker C:The moments of clarity.
Speaker C:Because, yeah, what I will say is I have worked harder at.
Speaker C:And.
Speaker C:And she probably doesn't even like it that I do.
Speaker C:Because sometimes, like, it's just at random moments, I'll say something about how I feel in an open moment that's not laced in humor.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:And it's random.
Speaker C:So I think.
Speaker C:I don't think it's that she doesn't like me saying it.
Speaker C:I think it's that because it could come at like three in the morning while she's half sleep, and I'm just up, and I'm just like, hey, let me just get this shit out.
Speaker A:And she doesn't know how to.
Speaker A:She's not prepared to deal with it in such a way.
Speaker C:Well, also, it's kind of like when a child or like one of your kids says something nice to you in the back of your mind, you're kind of thinking, what did you do?
Speaker C:Or what you do you want?
Speaker C:And sometimes I'm just like, no, man.
Speaker C:Like, you know, I was just thinking about it randomly, and here you go.
Speaker A:Yeah, I al.
Speaker C:I also understand the skepticism in it.
Speaker C:So, like, I don't get so mad about it.
Speaker C:Like, I get it, you know, this, this ain't typically a 6:30 in the morning conversation, but it's when you got.
Speaker A:Go back to sleep when you.
Speaker C:You got it.
Speaker A:Yeah, man.
Speaker A:I. I don't know.
Speaker A:I just think that I. I think.
Speaker A:I think it's important to have some sort of outlet.
Speaker A:And, you know, like, I joke about it on this show a little bit, but half of is not a joke and half is very legit, legitimate.
Speaker C:It was the humorous deflection.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:You know, and it's just like, you know, like, I'll say once we have ours seventh anniversary, you know, this will be the longest relationship I've ever been in.
Speaker A:And you know, it's.
Speaker A:It.
Speaker A:You know, when I say that, you know, like, AG will be like, oh, God, God.
Speaker A:Or whatever, but it's like, hey, man, you know, sometimes it's just like that.
Speaker C:And I was gonna actually say maybe AG will kind of poo.
Speaker C:Poo that.
Speaker C:But like, I think seven years is a longer relationship than most people have these days.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I mean,.
Speaker C:Because, like, I'm truly amazed when I, like, I'm still out in like, the real world and I hear somebody say something like, oh, we've been married for 30 years.
Speaker C:I'm just like, yo, they make y' all like, bro, that is crazy.
Speaker C:Like, yo, I think out of.
Speaker C:I don't know if I know anybody in my life, like, anybody in my immediate circle circle or not even immediate circle.
Speaker C:Like, even my casual people are.
Speaker C:I don't know anybody that's been in a relationship longer than me like, I'm almost 17 years in marriage, man.
Speaker C:Like, we're almost at 20 years.
Speaker A:And I'm just like, yo, what happened?
Speaker C:No, I'm not even like, what happened?
Speaker C:Like, most of the people that I know who were in relationships when I got in this relationship or started, I know people who've been divorced twice since I've been married.
Speaker B:This once.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:And that's.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker C:That's crazy to me.
Speaker A:So, like.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So the Idea said the 70 year relationships, the longest relationship I've been in, I'm like, man, that's kind of.
Speaker C: That's kind of a new: Speaker C: Like, this ain't the old: Speaker C:Motherfuckers was like, together for the long haul.
Speaker C:That shit don't really, like, divorce is always on the table.
Speaker A:Yeah, man.
Speaker A:And it's like, like, my parents have been married for 53 years, bro.
Speaker C:Endangered species.
Speaker C:Protect them at all costs.
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker A:And I mean, I haven't.
Speaker A:I Haven't stared at somebody at the altar.
Speaker A:So it's like, I have probably one of the.
Speaker A:One of the big examples in my immediate life of how to find someone and be together for a long period of time.
Speaker A:Time yet that ain't anywhere close to being me.
Speaker A:But I don't see myself.
Speaker A:I used to see myself as a failure there, but I don't anymore.
Speaker A:And that's because mom pretty much helped her brother out.
Speaker A:Like, she was like, hey, man.
Speaker A:He was like.
Speaker A:She was like, you know, it'll be your time one day.
Speaker A:Don't worry about it.
Speaker A:Don't struggle, stress about it.
Speaker A:You know, it feels like, you know, God will put you in the right position when it's time for you to be in that position.
Speaker A:And I was just like.
Speaker A:And literally all my stress about getting married and having kids and stuff kind of went away.
Speaker A:Because, you know, even though you're not.
Speaker A:You're not the first son and you're not the last son, I mean, middle child syndrome is real.
Speaker A:And you know that at that time, you know, they're just like, man, we got plenty of grandkids now.
Speaker A:We got some damn great grandkids.
Speaker A:Well, they do.
Speaker A:So it's like, bro, kids are.
Speaker B:We.
Speaker A:We got a.
Speaker A:Plenty of kids in this.
Speaker A:In this family.
Speaker A:So it's almost like, hey, man, you good?
Speaker A:We got enough.
Speaker A:We need to add.
Speaker A:No more.
Speaker A:I mean, if you do great.
Speaker A:If not, hey, man, we still love you.
Speaker A:And then, hey, man.
Speaker A:And that's the coolest thing that, that, you know, she's ever said to me because.
Speaker A:Just the release of stress.
Speaker A:So I don't know, but.
Speaker A:Nah, I mean, I think this is a good question, and I think it was great conversation about it.
Speaker A:And I guess the biggest thing is, like you said earlier, it's interesting how other people see you compared to how you see yourself and stuff.
Speaker A:And it's like.
Speaker A:Like I feel like my friends and my family, at least my close friends and my close family have the ability to just be like, hey, Reuben, you're being an asshole.
Speaker A:Even though I might not think I'm being an asshole.
Speaker A:Like, you could be like, bro, why you being an.
Speaker A:And it's like, I'm not being.
Speaker A:Yeah, you are.
Speaker A:What are you doing?
Speaker A:Like, you know, I. I like the fact that I can be for a better word check every now and then, you know, And I think.
Speaker A:I think that's.
Speaker A:That's when you know that.
Speaker A:Well, that's where you should know that people care about you.
Speaker A:Because if not, people are not going to waste the oxygen to be like, yo, man, stop being an.
Speaker A:They're just gonna look at you, shake their head and keep it pushing.
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker C:Yeah, but that.
Speaker C:That has to happen with permission.
Speaker C:And what I mean by permission is like, yo, it's kind of like I said, it goes back to the base of the question.
Speaker C:It's like, you have things that you put in place to protect you or make you feel safe, but they can, you know, your protection can be your prison.
Speaker C:Your safety can be your sentence, like, can be.
Speaker C:You know.
Speaker C:So if you don't let people get close enough to you to do that, you know that that's what happens.
Speaker C:You just end up isolating, and it's crazy.
Speaker C:Like, nobody wants to be rejected, but nobody wants to be alone.
Speaker C:It's.
Speaker C:It's.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:Humans have.
Speaker A:It's a cyclical circle.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:It's like, I don't want to be rejected, but please don't let me be alone.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:Yeah, man.
Speaker A:And I know.
Speaker A:I don't know, but I feel like one day I'll be able to get out there and be able to take getting turned down on the chin.
Speaker A:I mean, because God knows what, man.
Speaker A:There's always dudes in the club who does nothing but go around to all the women and get rejected.
Speaker A:And they're just like, all right, well, it.
Speaker A:Let's go to the next one.
Speaker A:And I envy those guys because it's.
Speaker C:A numbers game, man.
Speaker C:Like, and the people who understand it's a numbers game, those guys are the best salesman, man, because they know it's a numbers game.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:But you also don't want to be that guy, because in that ways, you want to be.
Speaker C:Be.
Speaker C:Like, you want rejection to kind of hurt a little bit, because you want rejection to hurt a little bit, because that means you invested.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:Like, if you.
Speaker C:If you just out here, Holling, at everything moving with no real investment.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:You don't mind getting rejected, cuz you.
Speaker A:Playing the numbers game.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:You know, and I mean, you know, the hope is one day I'll be able to get out of my own bubble and just, you know, just go out there and take some chances.
Speaker A:I'm excited for it when that day happens, you know, that day could be tomorrow.
Speaker A:That day could be two weeks from now.
Speaker A:But the cool thing is, I mean, I don't necessarily have a conversation started, but I got a conversation.
Speaker A:Tell me something different about yourself.
Speaker A:I only got seven toes.
Speaker A:What?
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:I don't know if that'd be the lead in.
Speaker A:But I mean, you know, one foot is like Nightcrawler with two toes and the other foot is normal.
Speaker A:I was born with a different army.
Speaker A:Stop.
Speaker A:Hey, man, I've been, I've been trying to figure out ways to, to use this two toe to my advantage.
Speaker A:I'm still trying to figure that out, so.
Speaker A:And with that being said, what's on your mind, Tio man?
Speaker C:So first of all, I gotta, I have to make a statement for a listener of the show.
Speaker C:My mom apparently is upset at my comments from the last show because she said she doesn't not have control issues.
Speaker C:My mom said she was going to sue me for misrepresenting her on this show.
Speaker A:What?
Speaker C:And I thought of all, I thought of all people, she should know I'm broke, so I don't know what she'd be saying before anyway.
Speaker C:And I also let her.
Speaker C:She also said she was going to sue you because it was your show and that you didn't defend her.
Speaker A:Damn.
Speaker A:Is she going to get nothing twice?
Speaker C:I mean, I was just weirded out.
Speaker C:The fact that my mom seriously doesn't think she has a control problem like that.
Speaker C:That was, I didn't even know how to address that.
Speaker C:I'm just like, man, if, if you're gonna keep lying to yourself, I mean, who am I to tell you the truth?
Speaker A:I mean, people with control problems sue people.
Speaker C:She said, she said that I misrepresented her when it came to my grandma.
Speaker C:She said I didn't, I didn't express enough, enough that she was trying to help my grandma out, not just boss her around.
Speaker C:And then I said, you need to listen to the show because I specifically said that you're doing it trying to help out and get grandma to not do things.
Speaker C:But she was like, but you just kept saying it's her house.
Speaker C:And I'm like, Because it is like, like just, just because you have good intentions doesn't mean it's not still her house.
Speaker C:And you are telling her to get out of her own kitchen.
Speaker C:You're telling her, her to get out of her room, you're telling her to get out of your way in her house.
Speaker C:Like, those are all things that are happening.
Speaker C:It doesn't matter if you're doing it because you're like, hey, you're 91 years old.
Speaker C:You've done your time.
Speaker C:Let us take care of this.
Speaker C:I, I specifically said that last week.
Speaker C:But she missed all of that because as soon as I said something that made her feel like I was attacking her, I was attacking her.
Speaker C:I Mean, I wasn't.
Speaker C:My mom had.
Speaker C:My mom is always trying to help her out.
Speaker C:Doesn't mean that she don't have control issues.
Speaker C:Because you telling another person to get out of their own damn kitchen.
Speaker C:I mean, if I go to your house, mom, and tell you to get out your kid now, you might lie and say, oh, I'd appreciate you trying to help me out.
Speaker C:Sure you would.
Speaker C:But then you'd hit me with the.
Speaker C:You don't tell me what to do in my house.
Speaker C:Which is exactly what you're doing to grandma.
Speaker C:You don't ask her to get out the way.
Speaker C:You don't say, hey, could you please let us take care of this?
Speaker C:You've done enough.
Speaker C:Blah, blah.
Speaker C:No, that's not how you say it.
Speaker C:You say, can you get your grandma?
Speaker C:She's driving me crazy.
Speaker C:She won't get out the way.
Speaker C:That's exactly what she said.
Speaker A:She won't get out the way of her own house.
Speaker C:And I get it, because my grandma, a lot like my mom in many ways where she wants to help.
Speaker C:She don't want to be a spectator when it comes.
Speaker C:Like, my grandma has been given and doing for others her whole life.
Speaker C:So even though we're saying, hey, you've done your time, you've done enough, it still don't mean she.
Speaker C:Everybody wants to be useful.
Speaker A:Nobody.
Speaker C:Nobody wants to turn into the person that's useless.
Speaker C:I mean, I'm like that.
Speaker C:Like, when I. I can't do stuff for medical reason, I'm looking around like, I hate being catered to.
Speaker C:In that sense, I don't.
Speaker C:Don't do that.
Speaker C:Makes me feel small.
Speaker C:So I'm just like, yeah, that's what she do.
Speaker C:So, yeah.
Speaker C:So, Mom.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:I will apologize if for some reason you thought I was coming off by saying you were being bossy and.
Speaker C:And mean.
Speaker C:Because, in fact, what you were doing is being bossy and mean sometimes out of love.
Speaker C:And I. I know that it's out of love, but, I mean, you can't.
Speaker A:Sue me for truth, and I didn't do nothing, so I don't know why I'm getting sued.
Speaker C:You agree?
Speaker C:Apparently, you agree.
Speaker A:I mean, I believe in truth, justice, and not getting sued.
Speaker A:So, yeah.
Speaker C:So what's on my mind is like, yo, man, I'm sorry, Mom.
Speaker C:I. I was not trying to come down on you.
Speaker C:But hey, man, truth be truth, like, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker C:I can't.
Speaker C:I'm not.
Speaker C:I'm not gonna sprinkle glitter on and tell you something else.
Speaker C:You know what?
Speaker C:I'm saying.
Speaker A:Tell us to pick rock.
Speaker A:Yeah, I'm not doing that.
Speaker C:Like, but this communication question.
Speaker C:Question, you know, is.
Speaker C:Was a random question, honestly.
Speaker C:Reason behind it.
Speaker C:Well, it.
Speaker C:It does, like, make me think that we as a. I say people, we as a species, we have a communication problem.
Speaker C:And it goes back to that.
Speaker C:Just what I was saying.
Speaker C:It's like, you know, nobody wants to be judged.
Speaker C:Nobody wants to be rejected, but nobody.
Speaker A:Wants to be alone.
Speaker C:And the fact of the matter is, you can't get one without risking the other.
Speaker C:It's.
Speaker C:It's just an impossibility.
Speaker C:You can't risk one without the other.
Speaker C:So I will challenge you, Reuben, and anyone out there, man, like, hey, take a chance on getting hurt because you'll never know the joy of.
Speaker C:Of, like, companionship and love if you don't risk all the negative that comes with that.
Speaker C:That's it, man.
Speaker A:Cool.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:What's on my mind is very simple.
Speaker A:I'm trying something new.
Speaker A:I'm trying to grow this beard out.
Speaker A:I've been on this plan for 53.
Speaker A:3 Years, and I really have never had a respectable beard.
Speaker A:And when I say respectable, I say that if you look on both sides, girls already up here, as you could tell.
Speaker A:Cool.
Speaker A:Then it.
Speaker A:Gill's on vacation.
Speaker A:I don't like a lot of physical hair on my.
Speaker A:On my head, much less my body.
Speaker A:I don't know how much longer I can keep this going, but I'm gonna try.
Speaker A:I. I think I'm gonna try to keep this going till the anniversary, and then we'll see.
Speaker A:I'll make a decision on that day.
Speaker A:I mean, I appreciate the gray.
Speaker A:It's okay for me to look my age because when all this is gone, I look like, not 53.
Speaker A:So I appreciate the beard.
Speaker A:It's not going to last long, though, because I just don't think I can.
Speaker A:I think I can get to the seventh anniversary, but I think that's as far as I can go.
Speaker A:I mean, I just.
Speaker A:Yeah, it's just.
Speaker A:It affects everything, man.
Speaker A:And it's just annoying.
Speaker A:Like, I'll probably go back to a goatee or something.
Speaker A:But, like, this whole beard thing is, like.
Speaker C:I mean, I understand what's annoying about.
Speaker A:I've never just liked facial.
Speaker A:I've never liked hair on me.
Speaker A:Like.
Speaker A:Like, my arms don't really have hair.
Speaker A:My legs don't really have hair.
Speaker A:Obviously, my head is a choice.
Speaker A:I would say the most hair on my head in one spot is probably on my face right now.
Speaker A:And no, I don't I don't do that.
Speaker A:I have a thing about, you know, blades near my penis.
Speaker A:I am not to going with that.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:Yeah, man, I just.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I've decided that I'm gonna keep it going to at least the seventh anniversary.
Speaker A:And then if it looks respectable, maybe I'll keep it.
Speaker A:If it don't look respectful, I might cut that on air.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:But we'll see.
Speaker A:We'll see how that ends up.
Speaker A:I mean, that's really.
Speaker A:It's on my mind.
Speaker A:I mean, itches and man, like, I clean it and just, ah.
Speaker A:My skin doesn't like all of that as much, but, you know, I'm gonna try to get there, setting myself some goals.
Speaker A:So we gonna see how that, how that works out.
Speaker A:But with that being said, respectable beer.
Speaker C:One day too, man.
Speaker A:First of all, like, I knew when I was a kid, cuz.
Speaker A:Look, man, I'mma say this.
Speaker A:I kind of wanted a little bit longer hair, man, when I was a kid, you know.
Speaker A:But when I grew my hair, my group, my hair grew as a fro.
Speaker A:And I learned early that ain't happening.
Speaker A:Because one, I'm never gonna perm my hair.
Speaker A:Call that.
Speaker A:Like, I. I saw what my mama went through.
Speaker A:Nah, son.
Speaker A:Or to straighten it.
Speaker A:Nah, we not putting that hot.
Speaker A:Nah, man.
Speaker A:I like women shout to you like, yeah, the.
Speaker A:The y' all got to do sometimes to.
Speaker A:To look good is amazing.
Speaker A:I'm just glad can get up, do this and I'm good to go.
Speaker A:Like, as far as the hair stuff, I'm not really a makeup guy, so it is what it is.
Speaker A:But yeah, yeah, we'll this, you know, right now.
Speaker A:We'll figure this beard out, man.
Speaker A:I mean, I wish my beard was more like Mo B's.
Speaker A:He got his joint at least hanging down.
Speaker A:What's that joint at, like 5 inches long?
Speaker A:Now.
Speaker C:You grow small, man.
Speaker A:Huh?
Speaker C:So, I don't know.
Speaker C:I cut it every once in a while.
Speaker A:I was going to say it look like you just cut it, you know, but then again, you also had the big fro and the long.
Speaker A:Not the long hair, but you used to braid it and all that.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:I can't do it.
Speaker A:I can't let my hair grow that long.
Speaker A:I just.
Speaker A:I just can't.
Speaker A:I. I don't know if it's a phobia or what or.
Speaker A:Yeah, I just can't do it.
Speaker A:But hey, that is what it is.
Speaker A:With that being said, like, thank you all y', all for joining us on this episode's show.
Speaker A:Hey man, we appreciate y' all like thank Moby for being here.
Speaker A:AG is in parts unknown.
Speaker A:We hope to have him back back next year, next week.
Speaker A:Once again, tell a friend.
Speaker A:Tell it.
Speaker A:Tell a friend.
Speaker A:Tell an enemy.
Speaker A:Just tell someone about us.
Speaker A:Remember, thank you to JTD Creations jtd creations llc.com get your shirts, your hats, everything.
Speaker A:They do a whole bunch of everything.
Speaker A:Go to the website.
Speaker A:Soon they will have a section for five Minute Warning so you can get a five Minute Warning shirt.
Speaker A:I'll let you know when that happens.
Speaker A:But yeah, you know, thank you for being thank you for listening to us today.
Speaker A:Whether you listen to us live or you listen to us on the podcast@5minutewarner.com F I V E minutewater.com we will be back here next Sunday at 9:00pm Eastern Standard Time.
Speaker A:Why?
Speaker A:Because that's what we do and we will get off when we damn well please.
Speaker A:But with that being said, hey appreciate all y' all out there and as always, peace, love, hair grease, soul induces.
Speaker B:Email us at 5minutewarning19mail.com and also leave comments on Facebook and Twitch.
Speaker B:Search 5min Minute Warning.
Speaker B: at fmw: Speaker B:You can listen to the podcast at Apple Podcast, Spotify or wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker B:Thank you for listening.
Speaker B:This has been another episode of.
Speaker A:The five Minute Warning.
